Thursday, April 16, 2015

Worst Blogger Ever & I May or May Not be Married to Batman

I claim it. I'm the worst blogger ever. Sorry y'all. Life happens. Kids happen. Messy happens.

I have to be honest, I am struggling with this phase of life/parenting/wifing/friending/housekeeping. I don't like to struggle. No one does, but it makes me ache to the core when life seems a little very out of control. You know those least, I think you do. Maybe you are one of those people who never struggle with:

  • having a clean house
  • spending quality time with your kids
  • spending quality time with your husband 
  • having dinner prepared most evenings
  • keeping plants alive
  • balancing the checkbook
  • keeping animals alive 
  • playdates
  • nurturing friendships
  • taking a shower
  • smelling nice
  • brushing your hair
If you are one of those people, trust me, you are not. You just think you are. Even Martha Stewart is not, although she would like people to think so...but she's been to prison, so, there's that....

In the "littles" stage, you are lucky to get a shower, and wear clothes without various body fluids on them, and get a solid 4 hours of sleep. It is paradise. No, trust me...I have a pre-teen, it is paradise. The worst that a baby could do to you is unload whatever body fluid they have in their tiny little baby arsenal and puke/pee/poop/sneeze it all over you. You can wash that off, but you CAN'T wash off sass. Well, you can't technically wash it off, but scrubbing the sass out of their mouth with a bar of soap might be worth a shot.
I miss babies. I miss their smell, and their lack of vocabulary that includes phrases such as, "whatever" and "this tastes gross". I miss the fact that you can put them in one place and they don't move unless you move them. They can't storm off when you tell them to clean their room...because they don't leave their socks and candy wrappers strewn about like ticker tape. "Look mom! It's like confetti" - only not at all. Rude.
I even miss toddlers. Yes, many years ago (specifically when my children turned three) I would never have believed those words would ever come out of my mouth. I was wailing and gnashing my teeth at the horror that had become of my precious baby (babies). Who ARE these kids? What has possessed them to act this way? Why are they on the floor and flailing like an injured seal? Oh my word y'all. They almost broke me.
Now, I struggle between letting my children have their independence (which typically ends with me clenching my fists, and saying, "Please clean that up", or "Please put that fire out", or even "How did you manage to get that in there?" through clenched teeth), and making sure they don't inflict serious bodily injury to themselves and/or their siblings...or pets.
No one told me how hard parenting is.
Let me rephrase that: No one told me how hard intentional parenting is.
Anyone can be a parent. Not everyone is a good parent. Good parenting is like juggling knives, while balancing on a rubber ball with one leg, and your hair is on fire, then someone throws you a flaming torch. Yeah, it's just like that, only harder. You have to think ahead of your kid. It is essential to your survival. You will be going along like, "This is easy. My kids are amazing. Perfect even. Parenting is SO easy." Then, BAM... you're suddenly like, "What the what is going on? Who are these little people? Why are they trying to make me insane? Have they lost their hearing? They don't listen to me. What have I done to deserve this?"
Before I go on, let me be perfectly clear: I adore my kids. They are precious. I love them with every single cell in my body, and I would literally take a bullet for them, or an arrow, or even 10 minutes in a room with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Well...maybe not, but the point is, I love them. Even when they make me want to curl up in the fetal position in bed for days, cry my eyes out, and eat a gallon of Blue Bell, I never ever stop loving them - not even a little bit.
But parenting them is a full-time, not-so-glamourous, sometimes torturous, stress and anxiety evoking, terrifying, yet gratifying and amazing job. It often amazes me at how awful and wonderful it can be all at the same time.
I couldn't do this without an amazing husband who is on my team. We are like Batman and Robin, except he doesn't wear a mask or really tight pants. Well, not all the time. I also have The Lord. Without the leading of the Holy Spirit, the peace I have in my soul that makes me know that He is the one in control, and that I am not responsible for all of the out comes of all of the lives of all of my children, I would work myself to death to perfectly parent them...and would fail immensely. I would feel utterly defeated and hopeless. Even with this peace, I still struggle.
So, I admit it..I am the worst blogger ever. Sometimes I feel like he worst parent ever, the worst friend ever, the worst wife ever, the worst housekeeper ever, and the worst teacher ever. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning, my kids have more grace for me than I deserve, and my husband may or may not be Batman. Have you ever seen them in the same room? Coincidence? I think not.
Have a great y'all...and remember, you are awesome and we are all in this together...