Monday, October 7, 2013

when you are at the end of your rope...


Well, you know it has to be important if it makes it on this page.

So, the last month or so has been, how should I put it....rough. Yes, the word "rough" is about the nicest and most ladylike way I can say it, although it doesn't even come close to the profanity-laced description that went through my mind (Lord forgive my thoughts). The kids began their new UMS (university model school), I began a part-time job a month or so before that, and we are full throttle into sports, piano, church activities, homeschooling and every other thing you could throw at this mom that can't say no. I'm one of those people that can juggle lots of things...until you throw in that one last responsibility and holymotherofabrahamlincoln, I have lost the will to live. I CAN NOT EVEN. I battle with a little OCD, a lot of perfectionism, throw in a small dose of no sleep and I'm a full on, double batch of crazy. Also, add in a battle with the "L" word...the nasty little hair critter "L" word that shall not be named and I went from crazy to "hide the car keys, mama's about to bolt" in about a nanosecond. After a frantic text to the hubby,  he quickly sent in a team of amazing friends/fellow homeschool moms/sidekicks to get me through the day.from.the.pits.of.hell. They brought me Chick-Fil-A, soup and homemade bread for dinner, some Starbucks, and delousing products. Do I have the best friends or what? I do, so no need to answer. Bless them, bless them all.
So, now that all of that is out there, let me tell you what wonderful revelation I had just the other day. I got through Crazytown, took a detour in Pityparty, USA, and had arrived in WhatdoIdonow-ville. Something had to give. I was living on a pot o'coffee a day and about 3 hours of sleep. I was, dare I say, unpleasant. Oh yes I was.
So, I found myself sitting on the couch one day (the kids must of have been outside or something because it was quiet.. and can I get an "Amen"), and probably feeling just a bit overwhelmed and anxious that I was actually SITTING DOWN between the hours of 7 AM & 11 PM, when God gave me a revelation. He typically speaks to me when I actually take the time to stop and spend time with Him...strange concept, I know. I can't do it myself. CAN NOT. He allowed me to get overwhelmed, and anxious, and strung the heck out because He needed me to be at my wit's end to hear His voice and draw me to Him. Hardheaded people need to be strung out sometimes, I guess. I mean, I wouldn't know about being hardheaded or anything, but I've heard about those types of people, bless 'em. Anywho, it was like he was shaking me and saying, "Ask me for help. I created you. I can make your life run so much more efficiently that you can imagine. I can give you rest. I can give you peace." I think I needed to get desperate for God and admit to my perfectionist, I-can-do-it-all-by-myself, don't need no help from nobody self to realize that I can't. Wow. Talk about humbling. I'm still trying to get over it.
Sometimes we need to just stop. Stop talking and listen. Stop running and sit and breathe. Stop trying to do it all yourself and ask for help (or husbands, ask her friends for you). Put the pride aside. Whoa, I feel like I should break out in a limerick here or something...
Spend time with The Lord. Know that even just a quick nod, holy fist-bump, a "We got this! You and me" shout out will do in the midst of "the crazy". God just wants YOU. He wants ME. He wants our love, our conversation, our dependence. He want to know He's The Man. Because He is. Sometimes He just needs to give us a gentle nudge. Sometimes it's in the form of a mental breakdown, but whatev.... It's all good y'all.