my spare bath makeover...finally

You know what I do when my husband is out of town? I do a reno. Yeah, because isn't that what most people do? Bless my husband. He just knows and doesn't even bother asking anymore. He just comes back to a new room.
So, here is what I came up with. I use Polyvore. Basically, you have an unlimited budget and have access to all things interior design. It's Heaven, that's basically what it is. Basically...there, I just wanted to use that word again.

via: Polyvore

(Side note: This gives me an idea as to how the colors and pieces all work together, but I never execute it 100%. It usually looks pretty close, but I tweak as I go.)

So, here is the good, the bad, and the ugly. The bad and ugly came in the form of a texture job that needed to be removed. When we moved into our home, the wall paper looked like this:

Horrendous wallpaper compliments of 1994. You're not at all welcome.

I had originally thought that I could simply knock down the high spots with the tool below & sand it smooth. Wrong Kimosabe. Due to the thickness of the texture, and the anal-retentiveness of the scraper (ahem, that would be me), I had to take it all the way down to the sheetrock. Way way down.

Just getting started. Nope, not working.

Added a little water. Working like a dream...

...like a very bad dream. A nightmare, actually. 

The question is: who doesn't love baby blue and pink shiny wallpaper?

M'kay. So, 12+ hours, a slipped disc in my back, and a brand new vocabulary full of words I have already repented for, I began the "fun" part.

This involved lots of math, pennies, and a saw.

Now, here is the good: instead of using real shiplap, I chose 1/4" plywood sheets from Lowe's. One sheet of plywood is 4' x 8' and I think I ended up using 5 sheets. I had them rip them into 6" strips, so if you are a math genius like me, you'd know that you end up with 8 planks per sheet. Math is hard. I knew that the walls were neither plumb, nor level, so I just started at the top of the sink backsplash and made sure it was level. You can always caulk any little gap between your backsplash and first board. From there, I just cut them to the right length, used a couple of pennies to create a uniform gap between the planks, and used a nail gun to shoot some nails into the studs.

Halfway there, on one wall and waiting for the electrician to show. I may or may not have had a drink at the point.

So, if you know a thing or two about 1990's home construction, you might know that these fabulous light fixtures were all the rage...

Craptacular...totally.

Well, when we bought the house, it came down immediately, and was replaced by this one in the picture below: 

Lovely, and for sale if you are interested... 

I really wanted a light over both mirrors, and I am trying to create a more "farmhouse" vibe, so I decided on these from Lamps Plus.

Currently only $50 with free shipping y'all!

After the electrician came to rewire for 2 lights, I finished the back wall, hung my lights, and started on the small side walls. Because of the 1/4" wood that I added to the walls, I had to put spacers behind the wall outlets so the covers would be flush. No big whoop.

Spacers for the switches. I actually thought to take a pic. 

Alright y'all, I apologize for the lack of pictures. I admit that I am not very good at documenting the process, but I can show an after like nobody's business.

Goodbye 1990s and hellooo shiplap! I could cry. 

Just take it in.

Take it all in.

I took these today after a few months of tweaking.

This part of the bathroom has wallpaper that is embossed to look like wainscoting. It's great, but doesn't do well in the bathroom because of the moisture. I plan on giving this it's own shiplap makeover when I recover from this little DIY.

God bless 'Merica

Since this bath doubles as a guest bath, I didn't want it to scream "kids", but I also didn't want it to be too "adult". When deciding on the wall art, I had a very specific idea of what I wanted and these fit the bill.
The one above is from Antique Farmhouse. Colorful + the South + it's a map = Winning!!!

"Bless your heart". It practically jumped off of the shelf and into my hands.
The sign, the basket, and the metal truck are all from, let's say it together, "Hobby Lobby!!!" 

..as in this sign. I think I need an intervention. The colors in the "adventure" sign were perfect.
And it had arrows and foxes. Shut up and take my money. 

So, let me give you the DL on the whole reno process:
I truly believe this is a moderately easy DIY project for anyone. Just measure twice, cut once. Use your level. Be one with the nail gun. Make sure small children aren't around when you have to scrape off texture. In fact, it is best to just burn your house down if that is your only option.

Sources:
barn lights: Lamps Plus
mirrors: Target
faucet, door hardware, paint, wood: Lowes
wall paint color: Custom mix (close to 1/2 formula Lyndhurst Gallery Beige)
cabinet color: Dark Cavern by Behr (again, I used Valspar paint)
cabinet pulls: etsy seller "fantasycottage"
shower curtain: West Elm
black and white towels: Target
white and grey hand towels: HomeGoods
artwork: black and white chalkboard look artwork, "Bless Your Heart", "Your Adventure Awaits" all from Hobby Lobby
metal truck, black & white striped basket with fern, deer head, wall hooks: Hobby Lobby
map in black distressed frame: Antique Farmhouse

If you have any questions about the project, feel free to post a comment and I will get back with you!
Thanks for checking it out.

Worst Blogger Ever & I May or May Not be Married to Batman

I claim it. I'm the worst blogger ever. Sorry y'all. Life happens. Kids happen. Messy happens.

I have to be honest, I am struggling with this phase of life/parenting/wifing/friending/housekeeping. I don't like to struggle. No one does, but it makes me ache to the core when life seems a little very out of control. You know those phases...at least, I think you do. Maybe you are one of those people who never struggle with:

• having a clean house
• spending quality time with your kids
• spending quality time with your husband 
• having dinner prepared most evenings
• keeping plants alive
• balancing the checkbook
• keeping animals alive 
• playdates
• nurturing friendships
• taking a shower
• smelling nice
• brushing your hair

If you are one of those people, trust me, you are not. You just think you are. Even Martha Stewart is not, although she would like people to think so...but she's been to prison, so, there's that....

In the "littles" stage, you are lucky to get a shower, and wear clothes without various body fluids on them, and get a solid 4 hours of sleep. It is paradise. No, trust me...I have a pre-teen, it is paradise. The worst that a baby could do to you is unload whatever body fluid they have in their tiny little baby arsenal and puke/pee/poop/sneeze it all over you. You can wash that off, but you CAN'T wash off sass. Well, you can't technically wash it off, but scrubbing the sass out of their mouth with a bar of soap might be worth a shot.

I miss babies. I miss their smell, and their lack of vocabulary that includes phrases such as, "whatever" and "this tastes gross". I miss the fact that you can put them in one place and they don't move unless you move them. They can't storm off when you tell them to clean their room...because they don't leave their socks and candy wrappers strewn about like ticker tape. "Look mom! It's like confetti" - only not at all. Rude.

I even miss toddlers. Yes, many years ago (specifically when my children turned three) I would never have believed those words would ever come out of my mouth. I was wailing and gnashing my teeth at the horror that had become of my precious baby (babies). Who ARE these kids? What has possessed them to act this way? Why are they on the floor and flailing like an injured seal? Oh my word y'all. They almost broke me.
Now, I struggle between letting my children have their independence (which typically ends with me clenching my fists, and saying, "Please clean that up", or "Please put that fire out", or even "How did you manage to get that in there?" through clenched teeth), and making sure they don't inflict serious bodily injury to themselves and/or their siblings...or pets.
No one told me how hard parenting is.
Let me rephrase that: No one told me how hard intentional parenting is.
Anyone can be a parent. Not everyone is a good parent. Good parenting is like juggling knives, while balancing on a rubber ball with one leg, and your hair is on fire, then someone throws you a flaming torch. Yeah, it's just like that, only harder. You have to think ahead of your kid. It is essential to your survival. You will be going along like, "This is easy. My kids are amazing. Perfect even. Parenting is SO easy." Then, BAM... you're suddenly like, "What the what is going on? Who are these little people? Why are they trying to make me insane? Have they lost their hearing? They don't listen to me. What have I done to deserve this?"
Before I go on, let me be perfectly clear: I adore my kids. They are precious. I love them with every single cell in my body, and I would literally take a bullet for them, or an arrow, or even 10 minutes in a room with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Well...maybe not, but the point is, I love them. Even when they make me want to curl up in the fetal position in bed for days, cry my eyes out, and eat a gallon of Blue Bell, I never ever stop loving them - not even a little bit.
But parenting them is a full-time, not-so-glamourous, sometimes torturous, stress and anxiety evoking, terrifying, yet gratifying and amazing job. It often amazes me at how awful and wonderful it can be all at the same time.
I couldn't do this without an amazing husband who is on my team. We are like Batman and Robin, except he doesn't wear a mask or really tight pants. Well, not all the time. I also have The Lord. Without the leading of the Holy Spirit, the peace I have in my soul that makes me know that He is the one in control, and that I am not responsible for all of the out comes of all of the lives of all of my children, I would work myself to death to perfectly parent them...and would fail immensely. I would feel utterly defeated and hopeless. Even with this peace, I still struggle.
So, I admit it..I am the worst blogger ever. Sometimes I feel like he worst parent ever, the worst friend ever, the worst wife ever, the worst housekeeper ever, and the worst teacher ever. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning, my kids have more grace for me than I deserve, and my husband may or may not be Batman. Have you ever seen them in the same room? Coincidence? I think not.
Have a great y'all...and remember, you are awesome and we are all in this together...

Jenn 

fixer upper, cockroaches, jiplap, and yoda

Ask me how long that "no sugar" thing lasted. Go ahead, ask. None of your beeswax...how rude.
Anywho, have y'all seen the newest season of Fixer Upper? Did you see Chip eat a cockroach? OH MAH GAH. Please Chip, no. Just, no. You are my favorite t.v. husband. You really are. You make me laugh. Your work is amazing. You are married to an angel. Please, for the love, do not eat insects ever again. You have scarred me for life.

Ew Chip, EW!

So, can we talk Fixer Upper? Chip & JoJo have, yet again, turned a sow's ear into a silk purse. If you don't know what that means, well then, you aren't from the south. I am always amazed at the vision that Joanna has. That JoJo, she has The Force y'all. She's like Yoda. A Southern Yoda. In the south, she'd probably be called "Yoder"...but I digress...
Lookie here...

Where do I begin? The shiplap (or as my husband calls it, "jiplap" because he thinks he's hilarious and knows it makes me twitch...bless his heart)? The subway tile? The open pipe shelving? The dreamy island made from reclaimed wood (by Harp Design Co.)? Yes to all of the above.

Then we have the dining area with it's walls and shelving and walls and chandelier and those walls. I like the walls. Really. That wall color is Sherwin Williams "Dovetail". I want to paint every single wall in my house this color, and possibly the barn, the exterior of my home, my dog, and my car. It looks somewhat similar to what I currently have in my home (Benjamin Moore's Revere Pewter), but maybe with a little less grey and a little more taupe (By the way, the word "taupe" is like a combination of "tan" and "nope". While we are talking about words that I have an opinion on, "moist" is the grossest of gross words.).

And this shelving. Looks simple enough, but I don't think my paperbacks of Beverly Cleary and An Idiots Guide to Pick-Your-Title would look quite as swanky. I guess I'd have to go raid my grandma's bookshelves, and maybe her old moonshine bottles. Just kidding, my grandma doesn't drink. She is quite a pool shark though.  

And OHHHH the jiplap shiplap. Be still my fluttering heart. I have a fireplace that this would look just spectacular on. It was ugly shiny brick, and I have painted it white. It definitley needs some shiplap though, and a better mantle, and Joanna to come style it for me. Not too much to ask.

So, are y'all tuning in tonight? What will Chip eat? What baby farm animal will make it's debut? How many times will Joanna say the word "shiplap"? Will Shorty make an appearance? How many times will Chip be topless? 

By the way, now that the weather is nice, I hope to get back into the workshop this week and paint some more. I have several pieces that are THHHHIS close (imagine your thumb and pointy finger mere millimeters apart from each other) to being done. Oh, and the round pedestal table in my shop is $100 off!!! We're stacking 'em deep and sellin' 'em cheap :)

Y'all tune in to HGTV tonight at 8:00 (Texas time) and let me know what you think. You can follow me on Twitter @linenandgrey1. I might just post of pic of my goat and me for the Fixer Upper contest. I mean, who doesn't love a picture of a baby goat? No one I tell ya'. No one!

first post of 2015 (I have no clever title because SUGAR WITHDRAWALS)

Well, it's over. The holidays are behind us and we must all return to life as usual. I am fairly certain many of you had holidays much like mine. Lots of sleeping in, lots of sugar, lots of kids all up in your grill every minute of every day, and zero routine. All of these things are a recipe for disaster upon re-entry to "normal life". We are diving in head first tomorrow morning. Alarms are being set, lunches are being made, mid-morning cocktails may or not make an appearance. Just kidding (no matter what you may have heard).
So, as you can tell, I have mixed feelings about the post-holiday schedule. BOO to alarm clocks, YAY to children outta my face. I do love my kids, but the constant barrage of new toys + lots of sugar + no schedule = grumpy mom who is totally over it in all of the ways.
So, since we are talking about changes, did you make a New Year's resolution (or as I affectionately call it "what you will be feeling guilty about completely giving up on by mid-February")? Don't feel bad, I have tried to lose weight for about 15 years now. Stretchy pants and carbs love me more than skinny jeans and celery apparently. Also, closing in on 40 is a whole different level of "what in the world is going on with my body?". It's okay. I am just going to do the best I can. I got a Fitbit, and threw out the Christmas candy. I'm not going to make checks my body can't cash (and my body is currently overdrawn).
Sorry, it's the candy withdrawals. It's been like 2 hours. This is going to be rough, man.
Speaking of furniture, I have lots of pieces I am working on right now, but it is going to be like -217 degrees for the next couple of days, and the last piece I worked on in the freezing cold didn't take the paint well, so it will have to wait. I will also be detoxing from sugar, waking up before dawn, and getting back to our routine, so I will need all of my strength and body heat to survive. I'll get back in the shop later in the week when it doesn't feel like the Arctic Tundra outside. You know us Texans, we can power through the blistering August heat like nobody's business, but people lose their minds when it dips below freezing. I am trying to prepare myself for the "Arctic Blast" reports breaking in to my regularly scheduled programs for the next couple of days.
That's all I've got. I have to do some Downton binge watching now considering I am about one-and-a-half season behind and the new one starts tonight.

how not to pull your hair out & lose your will to live during the holidays

Christmas might just kill me y'all. So, in the small chance that I actually survive, I am writing a letter to my future self. Think of it as a how-to guide for a stress-free holiday season. So without further ado...

How to Not Pull Your Hair Out & Lose Your Will to Live During the Holidays

1.   Do not agonize over coordinating wrapping paper, tags and bows. I do. Every year. I was so over wrapping by third hour this year, that I was ready to throw everything in a sack (or in the trash for that matter). I have never wanted to throw my hands in the air like I just didn't care in all of my life. 

Note to self: Next year, one paper. One ribbon. No tags. Do something like this (except on the actual package and with their actual name, or it will get really confusing, and Uncle Bob might end up with some lovely lavender hand cream and a subscription to Ladies Home Journal):

via: bloglovin 

2.   Do not agonize over Christmas cards. I haven't nothing against Christmas cards. In fact, I have sent them out every single year since forever. I even mailed out cards before I had a pet or child to plaster on the front. Can you even? What kind of cards even exist if there aren't pictures involved? Oh, and don't forget the annual newsletter. Seriously, how are you supposed to keep up with our family? Oh yeah, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. I'm pretty sure my family and friends, and almost strangers (also known as Facebook friends) know what my kids look like and what events have transpired pretty much every day of our ever-so-glamorous lives. Oh, and cards are many levels of freaking expensive. Okay, so take cute pictures of kids (check), upload adorable (and printable) card from Etsy (or print from any various source - check), have them printed at local office supply store (or online print shop - check), address all 100 cards (which takes approximately 3 lifetimes to do - check), stick a stamp (aren't they about $5.60 a piece now? - check) on all 100 cards (this is what children are for, so YAY for that - check), and lastly, haul them to the post office (check). Wipe your brow and go sell organs on the black market to pay for them (check). 

Note to self: Next year,  whip up a cute little "card" on PicMonkey (or any other photo program) and post on various social media. E-mail to everyone else. Then, sit with hot cocoa in hand and pat yourself on the back because you have just saved approximately $4,590 and 86 hours. You are a genius.

3.   Your home is not going to be on the cover of a magazine, so don't make yourself insane trying to deck your halls.  Honestly, this is the biggest stress for me each year. I love these "Holiday Home Tours" on my favorite "home" blogs. Their homes are perfect. Every hall is decked beyond all recognition and every stocking his hung by the chimney with ALL OF THE CARE. To their defense, many of them ARE on magazine covers, and most of them blog for a living. The rest of them probably just wait all year for it. I love decorating my home for the holidays as much as the next person (or even more), but the time and effort it takes is exhausting. I simply didn't have time to finish this year. I had other things that needed my attention such as feeding my children, buying groceries, and bathing. I stressed about decorations. What is wrong with me?

Note to self: Next year, simplify. That can mean lots of things, but most importantly, don't stress. Pick a few places to focus on...a few things that are really meaningful and ROCK IT OUT. I love the idea of just adding some simple greenery, having a beautiful tree with decorations made from salt dough and macaroni, and a few preserved boxwood wreaths. We'll see how that goes. Good luck with that Christmas of 2015 self. 

Also, do yourself a favor, and before you turn yourself into a tinsel tossing lunatic, read The Nester's post on undecorating for Christmas. 

"If decorating my house for Christmas is a burden, then I stop. I have to." ~The Nester (Myquillyn Smith)

{Genius. Sheer genius I tell ya.}

So, to clarify: No crazy Christmas shenanigans next year, k? Easy peasy. No matchy matchy gift wrap, Christmas cards are not essential to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, and decorating (or lack thereof) doesn't need to send you on the next bus to Crazytown. 

Have a wonderful and stress-free holiday, and please, by all means, do not don your gay apparel and troll the ancient yuletide carol without posting it. Put a filter on it. Hashtag the heck out of it. Then, don't forget to put it on that annual newsletter next year...or not. 

Merry Christmas y'all. Here's to an awesome 2015.

the struggle is real

Y'all, I love Christmas. I mean, I love it like a blue-haired grandma loves her BINGO. I love the sights, the smells, the tastes, the sounds, the tastes. Mmmmm, the tastes. Soooo, I have love love loved all of the blogs and their "Holiday Home Tours", but I simply don't see how they do it. They have their entire home decorated like a window display at the North Pole Mall, and I can't even get my tree finished.
I have accomplished something though. I made snowball-like pom poms out of yarn. Yes, I did make them at 1:00 AM, and yes, I did bypass a shower to do so, but as Taylor Swift says, "Makers gonna make", or something like that. I am making them to DIY something like this...

source: Anthropologie

It is $38 for a 6 ft. long garland. Not a horrific price, but I definitely wanted more like 60 ft. of garland instead. Yes, haven't you heard "more is more"?  Well, I don't want to spend $400 on garland, because that is insane, not in my budget, so DIY it is. I might even make one of these if I'm feeling up to a pom pom making frenzy.  

Source: Anthropologie

It is $138. I think I can make it for less than $15. Sure, it will only take approximately 14 gazillion hours, but I haven't nothing else to do. *Ahem*

Also, I am thinking of making this as well, but using pre-made pom poms instead of felted balls because I am not working in a sweatshop and this many felted balls would take an eternity plus 18 days. (If you want to make them, here is a tutorial. Knock yourself out. Be sure to grab a stiff drink and put on some holiday music 'cause your gonna need it when you are elbow deep in wool and soap.)

felted ball garland via Pickles

I love the vibrant colors of this, but it really isn't my color palette. I'm going white. You know, once you go white, you never...oh never mind. Sorry. I can't help what pops into my head, and it's late, and my kids have been cranky all day, and it took them 2 hours to go to bed tonight. The struggle is real.

So, my tree isn't completely decorated, I need to clean the chicken coop, my dishes are piled up in the sink, I have Christmas presents to wrap, I have no decorations outside, have about 8 canvases to paint, approximately 10 loads of laundry to do, and all I can think of is making pom poms and wreaths. You know, priorities. 

I'll be back to show you the Great Pom Pom Event of 2014 this week. 

stretchy pants and Celine Dion

Okay, so how are y'all? I am flat out pooped. The holidays are going to turn me into a lunatic. But seriously, I love it. I love the decorating, and the people, and the food, and the friends, and the food.
Did I mention the food? My mom made my favorite for Thanksgiving, and it isn't one bit Thanksgivingy. Coffee angel food cake with coffee icing and toasted almonds. I do believe the angels made it themselves...thus the name. I mean, it tastes like sugar, and coffee, and toasted almonds, so there is no better dessert. End of story. Thanks mom. You are my favorite person in the history of all the world for making it. Instead of hiding in the closet and inhaling it in one sitting, I ate one piece and told her to take the rest home. I am still hating myself over it, but I know my weakness and I don't want diabetes.
So, the fall decor is gone, the Christmas decor is halfway up, and I'm doing my best to not think about how much I have to do. I have lots of work to do to get my shop stocked for Christmas, I still haven't finished decorating, and I have needy children. Something has to give. Sorry kids, it's been nice knowing you.
I am going to go to church in the morning, then come home, eat the last bit of ham on a sammich (then Thanksgiving leftovers, you are dead to me...I can only handle so much), put on my stretchy pants, and nap like I have never napped before. Before I nap, I will threaten my children's inheritance if they come in my room asking for the freaking password for their electronic device. (Happens every freaking time.) After I awaken (that is if I actually sleep, because $*#!! rooster, and password needing  little people), I shall have a snack, a cup of coffee (because I am 85 years old and drink coffee all the live long day), then take my kids back up to church. They have a Christmas musical to practice for. I can hardly handle the cuteness of kids in Christmas musicals. The nose picking (usually my child), the crooked halos, the VERY passionate singing of what may or may not be the correct lyrics (again, usually mine), the crying child, the shy child (not usually mine...bless), the child who thinks they are Celine Dion in her final Las Vegas performance (ahem...). They are all so darn cute.
So, I will have something more along the lines of Christmas decorations and such later in the week. I am barely forming words at this point because I might have mentioned that I am pooped. I have had no less than 30 people in my house this week. Peace out y'all. Have a restful Sunday.
P. S. Can I just say that my favorite thing about college football are the losing coaches in the post-game interviews. I heard these things come out of various coaches' mouths. "It just sucks." "Yeah we lost, whatever." So honest. So over it. So tired of annoying questions. Bless their hearts. Love it.